Heated Rivalry and Attachment Theory
- reesecounselingllc
- Mar 5
- 1 min read
Like some of you, I’ve been swept up in the Heated Rivalry craze and thought it would be interesting to think about them in terms of attachment theory. Are they anxious, avoidance, secure? Let’s dive in.
If we look at Shane in the beginning, he appears to have some characteristic of anxious attachment, including feeling worried about the relationship and wanting reassurance and clarity.
Alternatively, Ilya shows more avoidant style, as he emotionally distances himself, compartmentalizes and focuses on the physical connection. Ilya’s relationship with his family and early childhood trauma could relate to his attachment style.
At times this anxious, avoidant dance can be seductive. One person pushes closer and the other pulls back. Then we have the end of the Tuna Melt episode, where there is a flash of intimacy that results in a reversal of roles. Shane becomes more avoidant, engaging in flight response and Ilya silently anxious, engaging in freeze.
Finally, they grow more securely together which we see develop in the final two episodes. They start to communicate openly, honestly and allow themselves to be vulnerable. You can see their guard slowly lowering, allowing emotional honesty and connection. Some of the beauty in the show is seeing the attachment shift to healthy and secure and being able to root for the characters.
What do you think? Do you agree with my thoughts? Do you think a relationship that starts in anxious/avoidant can move to a secure attachment style?
Heated Rivalry
Attachment Theory
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